Red Flags
Recognizing abuse can be a challenge
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. Because every relationship is different and every abuser uses different tactics to gain control over the victim, recognizing abuse in your relationship or the relationship of a loved one can be a challenge.
“Red flags” include someone who:
- Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.
- Early in the relationship flatters you constantly, and seems “too good to be true.”
- Wants you all to him- or herself; insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family.
- Insists that you stop participating in hobbies or activities, quit school, or quit your job.
- Does not honor your boundaries.
- Is excessively jealous and accuses you of being unfaithful.
- Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.
- Criticizes or puts you down; says you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.
- Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others.
- Has a history of abusing others.
- Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on his or her former partner; for example, “My ex was totally crazy.”
- Takes your money or runs up your credit card debt.
- Rages out of control with you but can maintain composure around others.
Abuse is never the fault of the victim
Abuse is never the fault of the victim, and it can be challenging for many reasons, including safety, to end the relationship. Experiencing even one or two of the above is a red flag that abuse may be present.
If you have concerns about your relationship, call or text the DVSCP hotline at 1-800-852-2102 to speak with a trained advocate.